So…no one was stoked that the festival had come to an end. Barely anyone was at breakfast that morning and those who were looked a tired mess. Alan and I went to the 9AM showing of ‘To Catch A Thief.’ Ben Mankiewicz introduced it and told the crowd that when he first started at TCM it was in his contract to have a goatee. If he shaved it off he would be in breach of contract. Apparently, that got cut from his current deal and thank God because he looks great without it.
Not much was said about the movie. The only thing I’d be interested in hearing about would be the affair Grace was said have had with Cary (for SIX YEARS) while she was a princess. Let’s face it, Grace Kelly was a total slut. Mel Brooks quoted Alfred Hitchcock ‘s thoughts on his leading lady, “Grace Kelly was the most promiscuous woman I have ever met.” There’s got to be some good gossip the people at TCM know that should be spread on this topic!
Sweet chola eyebrows you got there.
Alan and I went to our last picture of the festival, ‘Call Her Savage.’ It’s a Pre-Code movie, which meant risque topics, no bras…at all (which the fat dude behind me was quick to point out every hard nipple, sick ass) and full term pregnancies that lasted for one month. Before the show a woman from MoMA came to speak about Clara Bow. She prefaced her speech by saying she’d give us juicy details about Clara. Her spiel was about as juicy as beef jerky. Clara Bow was the very first “IT girl.” She was also off her nut, crazy. Her mother tried to kill Clara while she was sleeping, which lead to life long insomnia problems. Clara was also diagnosed with schizophrenia and became a rancher.
That, my good lady, is juicy.
I found the entire movie online, above, and it was one weird frickin’ movie. It was an early talkie so the story doesn’t really have a format like movies today. It’s basically the story of a love child, half Indian (savage), half white girl and her frustration about being so wild. Watch it if you want, it’s kooky.
Since the weather was great…finally— on the last day, Alan and I sat out by the pool. Roger joined us and we watched everyone frolic in the water. Ok, we sat there and judged the crazy looking people at the pool. Tatted up chicks, big hairy guys with pony tails and plate sized nipples. Total fashion plates. Not that I’m one to talk, check this out:
Painfully Pale.
My legs glow. We took a few photos to make sure it wasn’t the camera, but my legs see the light of day almost never and because of this, they are blinding. I did not get the nice, tan-able genes. I don’t belong in the sun and this is proof, thank you British DNA.
Paleface: Clearly, Roger enjoys the sun more frequently than myself.
After about an hour, I had to go inside. We went to a panel about the Brown Derby. I had recently blogged about it, so I was very eager to learn more. Apparently Louella Parson’s had her staff meetings there every week and wanted something low fat put on the menu. The grapefruit cake was born. Grapefruit isn’t fattening but the POUND of butter in the cake totally is. Apparently that cake is Tippi Hedren’s favorite. I don’t love grapefruit, so you can keep that cake Tippi. The day the ‘I Love Lucy’ episode at the Derby premiered, the stars of the show had a big bash at the restaurant. William Frawley, Fred Mertz, introduced Joe Dimaggio to Marilyn Monroe at the Derby as well.
Can you name all the stars' caricatures?
There was a Q&A session afterwards and one guy asked, “Do you know what happened to the Coconut Grove or Ciro’s?” I loudly said to Roger, “How about Google it, lazy ass.” Bitchy yes, but true. The man running the show didn’t really know. Afterwards, I went over to the guy and told him what happened to all the old Hollywood hot spots. He was upset (!!) that the man speaking wrote a book solely based on the Brown Derby and didn’t write a book about other locations. I told him, “Well, you could write one,” and his mother, whom he was traveling with, agreed.
I found Roger and Alan who had found the King of the Krazies. Holy crap. I walked up and this guy, Bob, was bobbing and weaving into my personal space. (And by personal space, I mean I could feel his breath on me.) He told us he had an eye transplant, died on the operating table and will live to see the second coming of Christ, he used to work for Bill Gates, he dug up his dead uncle to get the $8,000 he was buried with…you know, that old chestnut.
We broke away from the crazy train and Alan took me to an (early) birthday dinner at The Grill. He had steak, I had short ribs, it was great and bittersweet because the Festival was on it’s homestretch.
Robert Osborne and myself.
There was a end of road party at Club TCM as well as a line to see Robert Osborne. He wasn’t mingling at breakfasts in the mornings so I waited in line to see him. He told me the festival was a permanent thing now, I snapped a photo and as I got out of line, saw that it had turned into a good hour long cue. Thank God I got there early!
We also got to meet Randal Malone, never heard of him…that’s ok, he’s been in a lot of horror movies and Vincent Price helped craft his “look.”
This guy knows EVERYONE!
He knew/knows all the big stars of Hollywood past. I thought he was partly B.S.-ing me but he is totally legit. He even spoke at Ginger Roger’s funeral! He talked to us about Liza and Mickey Rooney, Luise Rainer and a bunch more. I could have listened to his stories all night but a body guard came and whisked him away.
Ben Mankiewicz
I chatted with Ben Mankiewicz for a while and told him he looks much better without the goatee. He said the men in charge of the network were the ones who wanted it. I told him that it’s the young female viewers who aren’t close to death that the network should be worried about retaining/pleasing. Earlier that day I was buying some notepads at the little TCM shop in the lobby and Ben was trying to get the cashier’s attention from upstairs. He got it, as well as a nice eye full of my chest.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who talks with their hands.
Because of that he told me he’d seen me earlier that day. “Yep,” I said, “I know. I hope you enjoyed the view.” He knew what I meant and he did.
Booze Lesson: Lemon Drops are made with VODKA not Tequila, dummy.
I also ordered a lemon drop and the weird little waiter brought me the only lemon drop ever made with tequila. Roger drank mine because I hate that kind of booze…yuck!
Zillah’s daughter introduced me to a mayor of a town in New Jersey. I can’t remember the name of the town but the mayor was super nice. I cruised the room with my favorite Club TCM host, Eric, and played the who’s gay, who’s not gay guessing game. We both have atrocious gaydar.
Zillah, Eric and I before getting booted out of the party at midnight.
After the Club closed at midnight we went to the pool and chatted near the heaters. I learned that Zillah used to sing with Mama Cass…who also stole her gloves, what a jerk.
We didn't start the fire.
After four days and 10 movies, it was sad to say goodbye to my TCM friends but it was a great festival. Next year, hopefully they’ll schedule it later in April for better weather and to coincide with my birthday!
